If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
smell my finger.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
