what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
