wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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