I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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