How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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