Even the bartender felt bad for me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
