i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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