Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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