I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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