hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
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