I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
