Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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