then he tried to convert me to islam
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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