Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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