Welp...herpes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
