At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
