Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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