phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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