everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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