No more Irish car bombs ever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
