I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
