I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize