Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
