life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
