he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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