Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
