Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Houston, we have a squirter
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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