My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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