My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize