I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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