I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
