what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
