That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
