Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
