I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I want is dick and wine.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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