i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
