She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize