Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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