Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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