Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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