Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I party with great urgency now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
