Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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