his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
