i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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