so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Enjoy the penises
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
