just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
