OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You pole danced in your parka.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
