SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
