someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
