I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
