My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Please don't give away my fajitas
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
