Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
