my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
