Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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