I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
