you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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