it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
