yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
