my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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