I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
