I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
