The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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