I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
