Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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