some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
