Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
