She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
