Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
