Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
