I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
