What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
