just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
