We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
