I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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