Well douche your snatch and let's go!
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
