thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
