we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize