She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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