why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize