Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
