after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
