Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
