dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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