I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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