You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
then he tried to convert me to islam
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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