this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
