super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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