My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
