Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
